Why We Argue and How to Stop


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An argument is an effort by someone to convince you that you are wrong and they are right. It takes at least two to have an argument. So if you just walk away from it, it cannot take place. Arguments usually cause more problems than they solve. And if you’re dealing with a highly emotional person, you probably won’t win the argument anyway. So don’t be afraid to leave the scene of an argument rather than engage in a debate that cannot be won. Dead-end arguments tend to increase stress and heighten anxiety, so you are better off avoiding them.

Arguments are seldom won but often lost, so when we acquire the unfortunate habit we do harm to our relatives, friends, coworkers and ourselves. When we engage in petty squabbles, our losses usually outpace our gains.

If you’re dealing with a difficult person, you may be tempted to take the bait and argue over matters great and small. If you find yourself in that predicament, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Arguments are a monumental waste of time and energy. And since you are not likely to win the argument anyway, there’s no rational reason to participate. So avoid anguished outpourings. Suppress your impulsive outbursts. Curb the need to criticize. Terminate tantrums. Learn to speak words that lift others up as you share a message of encouragement and hope with a world that needs both.

Unfortunately most arguments and debates occur with family members, friends, neighbors, or those we work with. Thus, if we get into an argument or debate with them we may lose our relationship with them. I cannot think of any such argument worth losing them as a friend. But the argument can get so strong that it becomes a great possibility. Yes, we all have different ideas and beliefs, and although we should be able to share those ideas, we should not allow that information to become an argument or debate.

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Trying to force someone to support your goals while ignoring their own interest, is a losing proposition. Such arguments tend to involve outbursts, yelling, and sometimes violence, all of which are destructive to relationships. Constructive resolution of disagreements can take place only when people are calm, respectful, and oriented to working together towards a solution that is acceptable to everyone.

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