Ocean Beach and Saltaire aren’t making it easy for summertime beachgoers to soak up the sun carefree with rules such as these.
Many territories belonging to the Fire Island frenzy of villages fall under federal oversight, as well as the Towns of Brookhaven and Islip. However, Ocean Beach and Saltaire uphold their own code of enforcement — as many have learned the hard way.
Upon these shores, local law dictates that a simple bag of Goldfish snacks could ring the violator a fine in the $300 range.
Not public alcohol consumption; public goldfish snack intake—yes, you read that right.
Ocean Beach prohibits all flavored drinks, iced coffee, cans, cups, metal bottles or tumblers. Plain water is permitted—so long as it arrives in a clear plastic bottle. Otherwise, it’s getting the boot; and so too are you if you make enough of a stink.
These prohibitions also fall under the $300 open container violation, per the Ocean Beach Justice Court. Since fines were increased on Jan. 1st, 2024—the beach, to its credit, has never looked cleaner.
But, much like the tree that fell in the forest when no one was around to hear it, a clean beach with no crowd is still an empty one.
A couple of years ago, Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey sang of weird, but beautifully ironic instances—such as snow on the beach.
Meanwhile, at this rate, should so much as a simple snow cone touch the Ocean Beach sand, even the wildest dream team of defenders ever assembled couldn't get said deed-doer off.
Food is not allowed on the boardwalk or overpasses either, the draw of animals and safety hazards it would pose mighty apparent.
With the calorie intake denial in mind, one would presume they could burn some off instead; if they do so at Ocean Beach, though, they will have to do so through something that isn’t a ball or catch-involved sport, frisbee or even kite flying.
Pretty much all the good ones.
The beach is not known for its bike-friendlyness either, if you can believe that. And by in large, a policy of mass quiet must be complied with from 10 p.m. onward.
Saltaire is slightly less strict; $250 fines for non-plain water drinks. Pepsi lovers, look away.
The 2019 coming-of-age Broadway musical “Be More Chill” had it right with its titular messaging: something this pair of incorporated villages should consider adopting in the long run.
Granted, Fire Island is still Fire Island. But life’s too short to follow every which guideline imposed when there are too many to have the fun under the sun that everyone deserves.
If you’re heading to Fire Island, or any beach this weekend, stay safe and stay sun-screened. Pale-skin kings, especially don't be damned: you sure know it to be true, the only thing worse than a $300 fine: sunburns redder than wine.